Involving Family May Help You Get More Out of Therapy

In my early days as a therapist, I worked with individuals almost exclusively. Many times, I felt inadequate in my attempt to help because I felt I was not getting the entire story. Not that my clients were dishonest, but that I couldn’t see “the water they swam in” when they were away from my office. My experience taught me that if I was to truly understand my clients, I had to view them in the context of their relationships, including their families. No one gets ill or heals in a vacuum. Most often, the difficulties you are facing, and how you are trying to work through them, impact others around you, including your family. Their reactions, in turn, impact you.

Family members usually struggle with knowing what to say or how to help. When you combine this with all the “psychobabble” to be found in the media and on the internet, it can make matters worse, not better.

A good family therapist can help you and your family separate the troubling issue from you. In other words, you are not the diagnosis or problem you are facing, but an individual separate from your issue. Too often, I have heard statements like “my son is OCD.” When I ask clarifying questions, they may answer with “Well, he has to have things exactly like he wants them and gets mad when you change things.” In this case, the person described may just be experiencing rigidity and a strong need to control outcomes. An Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is marked by more severe symptoms than simply being rigid and “wanting things his way.”

I met with a young person who said, “I think my mother is bi-polar!” When I asked, “What makes you say that?” The young person replied, “Because she yells at me one time, then is happy with me the next!” Again, a bipolar diagnosis has many more symptoms than the mood swings that can happen when we raise teenagers.

This is why I recommend including family members, when appropriate, in your therapy journey. A good family therapist should be able to help all involved develop a more effective way of helping you and communicating with you about the issues. Strong boundaries should be set and respected in this process. The family therapist should provide you with choices and respect your wishes. Involving your family in your therapy may make your healing journey easier by having all your family members on the same page and not inadvertently working against each other.

Finding a licensed family therapist that offers free consultations may be a good start. I think it’s important for you to be able to interview the therapist, ask important questions, and to make sure you are comfortable about how and when to involve your family in your healing journey.